搞笑英文微电影剧本

㈠ Hi guys 求一英语小剧本，6人表演剧情时间10分钟左右，以轻松搞笑为主，电视剧电影和小说的剧本随便，请发

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
打更的太监
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战乡村陌路
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow.
Birds are dancing in the cold.
A man is walking along the street, step by step.
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches.
打更的太监：The weather is dry and things are flammable, take care not catch the fire! I’m 打酱油的！
Y与X相遇．
X：Ohm, I’m sorry to knock you!
Y: Ha-ha, Never mind baby.
X: Excuse me, Could you tell me your name?
Y: ha ha, I won’t change my name! No matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng（登登登登！！！）. Who are you?
X: I’m ximenchuixue.
Y(惊讶): Ar, ximenchuixue?
X: Yes, what is wrong?
Y: I heard that you are the best Martial Arts?
X: Great, you know me!
Y(抱腿)：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X: No, I must kill you!
Y: I don’t want to be killed. Let me go!
X: No way! You know?
Y(突然站起冷冷的说)：Don’t force me!
X: Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X(抢过牛奶):Milk, very good! I like drinking it.
Y: Please drink it!
X(喝完牛奶):Thanks, ha-ha
Y: Do you still want to kill me?
X: Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! Very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X: I’m sure I won’t!
Y: I must give you a lesson! If I don’t beat you this time, I’ll never be having properly! 3-2-1-0
X(捂着肚子，蹲下)：Ouch, Ouch!
Y(大笑)：Ha Ha……
X(可怜状): Help! Help! Where is the washroom?
Y: What?
X: Toliet?
Y: What?
X: The “WC”?
Y: Oh, I see, go along this street and turn right when you see a crossing road!
X: Thanks, bye-bye.
Y(掏出纸屑吹):This is genuine snow!
H: Stop! Protecting the environment is a basic obligation!
Y: Who are you?
H: Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y: Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” now, ha……
H(惊讶):Now you are the best in the world!
Y: You are right!
H: Teriffic! You are the one I’m looking for! Do you want to join in me?
Y: Yes, It’s very good.
H: Ok, follow me; let’s go!
Y: Ok, Let’s go!
(To be continued…)

㈡ 求简单英语五人小品剧本，请看清下面的补充要求。在线等，挺急的。

搞笑英语微电影剧本《Whose treat》（英语5人搞笑微电影剧本）
演员：A—— ，B—— ，C—— ，D—— ，旁白——
编剧： 摄影：
后期制作：
插曲：场景一《铃儿响叮当》场景二《雪绒花》场景三《泰坦尼克号主题曲》场景四《flash》场景五《never say goodbye》或者《字母歌》
道具：一份报纸（最好是英文的），三份试卷（白纸即可），100元，64元找零，布娃娃
（场景一：未定空地____5个人都到， 拍摄）
旁白：One day ，some yang people want to get takeout as their dinner
一天，几个年轻人想叫外卖吃（直接录旁白，念完时候镜头落在四个人身上）
A: let’s get takeout ,please?（旁白念完直接开始）
B:why not? I like it .（开心，满足）
C:It's up to you .(看着A）
D:OK,but i have a good idea……(手托下巴，卖关子）
A：go on ，please（请求语气）
D：we always ”going Dutch “,.it‘s time to enjoy someone’s treat……我们总是AA制，这次找个人请客吧（扫一眼大家，继续卖关子）
C: but how should we drag the unfortunate? talk to us,please(请求）
D：(笑）OK，OK…….Each of us tell a joke, if not making others laugh, just pay ！
我们每人讲一个笑话，如果不能把其他人逗笑，就买单哦。（得意）
A,B,C:good idea!(大家拍手，异口同声）
A：Let me tell a joke first .the title is” I'm Glad “.A school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. 我先讲吧，题目是“我很高兴”。一个老师正在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。现在，她说
（切到场景二，到一个教室，或有椅子的地方，把笑话表演出来，， 拍）
旁白：Now, she said现在，她说
赵雪：children ，has anyone of you ever made someone else glad?你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？
王鹏：teacher, I've made someone glad yesterday.昨天我就使别人高兴过。
赵雪：Well done. Who was that?做得好，是谁呢？
王鹏：My granny.我奶奶。
赵雪：Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grand mother glad.好孩子，现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。
王鹏：Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, ‘Granny, I'm going home,’ and she said, ‘Well, I'm glad’！是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！’
（切回场景一，BCD哈哈大笑A见状很开心，）
A：oh, i got it !我做到了（很开心）
B：yeah，yeah, maybe you just tell your own story .(指着A说完捂嘴笑）
A: I……（要解释，被B拦下）
B：OK，now ,It's my turn .”a gentle reminder”is the title.Having been married a long time, my husband sometimes needs a gentle reminder of a special occasion. 婚后已久，我丈夫往往在一个特别事情上需要委婉的提醒。
(切换场景三，移至餐厅或有椅子的地方， 拍摄，）
B：On the morning of our 35th anniversary, we were sitting at the breakfast table when I hinted, 在我们结婚35周年纪念的早上，我们正坐在早餐桌旁，我暗示道：（录旁白形式）
双："Honey, do you realize that we've been sitting in these same two seats for exactly 35 years?"“亲爱的，你意识到我们在这两个相同的座位上已坐了整整35年了吗？”
B：Putting down the newspaper, he looked straight at me and said,他放下报纸，眼睛直直地望着我：
田："So, you want to switch seats?"“因此，你想交换座位吗？”
（切回场景一，ACD哈哈大笑中，）
B：so, i got it,(对C）maybe you will like the man in the future (笑）it‘s your turn
C: oh,no ,he is stupid (不屑）,my title is “girl,oh little girl”题目是“让人无奈的孩子”When they're together, my five-year-old daughter and her cousin tend to cause mayhem. (['meɪhem] )one Saturday, I put my foot down.我五岁的女儿和她的表妹在一起的时候，总要招来大乱。一个星期六，我开始抗议了。
（切至场景四，某空地， 拍摄）
： "All right, you two,"No screaming , grabbing, whining, hitting, teasing, tattling, breaking toys, scratching or fighting."“好啦，你们两个，”我严厉地说，“不许叫喊，不许乱拿，不许哭闹，不许乱敲，不许取笑，不许扯淡，不许弄坏玩具，不许乱抓，不许打架。” （转身要走），
双：“come on ,MengMeng, let's get dirty . "“来， ，我们来把自己弄脏吧。”
（切回场景一，ABD哈哈笑）
B：OK,we three all did it ,now,(对D）only you left
D:i’m very afraid now,maybe I’ll fail it . Let me try .it’s “A dollar per point”一分一块钱A professor was giving a big test one day to his students.一天，教授正在给学生们监考。
（切场景五，至 教室， 拍摄）
D(旁白形式）：He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait.他发下试卷，然后回到讲台前等待。（ 轩演教授， 坐中间， 演学生，考试时， 左顾右盼很着急，交卷子时， 左看看右看看掏出100元夹在卷子里并且写了一句话A dollar per point.）Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. "考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point."考试结束了，学生们纷纷交回试卷。教授发现一张试卷上别着一张百元钞票，还有一张纸条写着：“一分一块钱。”The next class the professor handed the tests back out. And walk up to the student ，said，第二堂课，教授把试卷都发回学生们手中。走到那个 旁，
田：”here are your test and $64 change“这是你的试卷还有64块钱的找零。（邱大囧）
（切回场景一，ABC死憋住不笑，各种憋）
D:well,my treat(很无奈）OK，you win……i’ll buy it right now(走开）
（ABC终于放声大笑，落幕）
原网址 http://www.jiaoke.com/xiaopin/xiaopin_361488.html

㈢ 求英语微电影剧本（5-10分钟），在线等，不管是否采纳，必给好评，求英语大神帮助小弟，感激不尽！

《情感银行》应该可以。可以依次为原版，修改一下，修改成 学生在学校玩的不亦乐乎，不关心父母，不回家看看之类的适合校园的题材。
媳妇：那你马上回来Come backright now.
小唐：媳妇，等我结了手里的这个案子，我就休年假了，你先让我妈照顾你好不好
Dear,..LetMomlookafteryou.you.all
allright.媳妇：你说的是人话吗，妈现在心脏病有多严重你知道吗，如果我现在就要生了，是妈能照
顾我还是我能照顾妈，你知道这么多月，我想吃什么，我从来没跟妈说过，我就怕她提重东西累着怎么办啊
Jerkerk!!YouknowhowseriousMomMom’’sheartdisease.Ifthebabyisbornnow,Momdondon’
’tlookaftermeandthesametome.Duringthesemonths,IneveraskedMomfornothing..小唐：那你给小凤媳妇打电话
Youcancallxiaofengxiaofeng’
’swife媳妇：人家是你家保姆啊，你什么事都找人家，你好意思吗，人家今年结婚你都没去，你知
道不知道
Yeah!SheisnotyourNanny.AlwaystroubleherIdofeelshame.Andyouareabsenceofherwedding,knowornot.
小唐：你怎么那么多事啊，左右都不行Youaresoannoying，satifynothing.媳妇：是我多事还是你忙呀
AmIannoyingoryourbusyness?小唐：我是在忙呀Definitelybusyingnow.
媳妇：我给你说，现在我在给你怀孩子，这不是我一个人的事好吗
Iamnowpregnantwithyourbaby,whichisnotabusinessofmyown.Allright?
小唐：你别拿怀孩子说事啊，我现在那么忙，那么多事，你就干怀孩子这么一件事你都干不好吗
Don'ttakethebabyforexecuse,.Onlythe
babybirthyouaredoingisnotgood,itgood,it’
’spity!媳妇：你要这么说，这孩子我不生了我不生了
Ifyousayso,thebabyIdondon’’twant,donwant,don’’tgivebirthto.小唐：爱生不生
Uptoyou.
（要钱还是要孩子，我这是在干什么，疯了吗我）(Moneyorbaby,whatIhavadone,amIcrazy)
媳妇：妈，妈
Oh!Mom,Mom,Mom…
…妈：孩子，别难过，他的心里是有咱们的，他也是身不由己呀Goodkid,notupset.Withusheartinside,Heisalsoinvoluntarily妈：儿子，我是妈妈Son,thisisMom.
小唐：妈，你看看她，我辛辛苦苦在外打拼，还不是为了你们，为了孩子，可他还这么不理解
Mom,,buthealsoisnisn’’twillingtounderstandme.
妈：孩子，妈妈知道你在外很辛苦，工作压力很大，妈妈和你媳妇都很心疼你，可是，现在我们需要的不是金钱，是真真切切的关心体贴呀。孩子，给自己放个假，回来看看这个始终有亲情友情爱情所牵挂的地方吧。
Goodkid,Momknowyouyou’
’reveryhardoutside.Withthegreatpressure,webothloveyou..Kid,takeabreaktocomeback,thereisalwaysthekinship,friendshipandaffectionwithyou.小唐：妈，我知道了Mom,Igetit.
妈：孩子，别忘了在你生命中最重要的是什么，不要忘了除了工作，还有父母，妻子，和你未出生的孩子。
Kid,.,inadditiontothework,aswellasparents,wives,andyourunbornbaby.
小唐：嗯，妈，我这就回去
Hmmm,Mom,IHmmm,Mom,I’
’llbeback.（我们每个人都有两个账户，在银行的储存金钱，在心里的储存情感，这两个账户就像沙漏
的两端，是一种对抗的状态，。当我们只顾积累金钱的时候，情感就在透支）
(Weallhavetwoaccountsinthebank,onestoresmoney,.,astateofconfrontation.,emotionisoverdraftted...)
（十年前，我来到一个陌生的城市，这个陌生的城市让我熟悉；十年后，我回到了一个熟悉的城市，这个熟悉的城市让我陌生。当我们在陌生的城市打拼的时候
，不要忘记，你在熟悉的城市里，有你白发苍苍的父母，等你回家的妻子，还有同你一起长大的挚友）
(Tenyearsago,Icametoastrangecity,.Tenyearslater,Icomebacktoafamiliarcity,.Whenwestruggle
toworkinastrangecity,doncity,don’
’tforget,inafamiliarcity,thereisyourparentswithgrey-haried,.)

（根据职场研究报告，98.3%的职场人因为公工作忙，而不得不减少陪伴家人的时间，我们是否应该仔细思考：工作，到底是为了什么？不要让工作阻挡我们回家的脚步，停下来，留住爱）
(,98.3,98.ebusywork..Work,whatismeanfor?Donfor?Don’’tletworkpreventusthehomesteps,pleasestayhere,keepthepreciouslove.)
工作和生活压力非常大。适当的时候，合理的节制物欲，给自己的心情放个假，回到那个始终有亲情友情爱情所牵挂的地方看看，或许你就会有更多的快乐、幸福和动力。这会形成一种激发年轻人更好前行的良性循环。毕竟只有平衡好事业和家庭，这样才能更好的工作和生活。.Appropriately,reasonable
temperancedesires,abreakforyourmood,,friendshipandaffectionwithyou.Maybeyouwillhavemoreenjoyness,happinessandpower..,.
因为工作牺牲了太多太多本应该有的情感，大学同窗结婚，也许因为工作，我们想，哎，算了吧，有那么多工作呢，请假又不知道要耽误多少事儿扣多少钱了。家里老人过寿，我们想，算了吧，年年都过，今年工作刚开始，今年就不回去了，明年再说吧。。。可是就在这一次次的算了吧中我们与这些人越走越远，因为我们不知道我们是否错过了大学同窗最美好也是最需要你祝福的时刻，我们更不知道明年是否还有机会给老人过寿。
.,maybebecauseofthejob,wethink,oh,passedit,there'ssomuchworktodo,.Theolderhavethebirthday,passedit,,Iwillnotgoback,tillnextyear...,becausewedon',,wedon'.
时下，诸多年轻人为了家庭、事业、理想……而纷纷出外打拼，在辛苦忙碌的同时，却不得不面对工作与家庭的各种现实问题纠葛，上有老、下有小、中间还有老婆的家庭格局，正在受到残酷的工作压力和社会现实所逼迫，何去何从，如何家庭工作兼顾都是摆在现在人面前的无法回避的问题。
Nowadays,,career,
dream...,andinhardbusyatthesametime,,thesandwich,middleandable,wifeoffamilypattern,,wheretogo,.
《情感银行》中男主人公小唐就是这样一个代表。他从一个熟悉的城市来到一个陌生的城市，为了能给自己的家庭带来更富足的生活而不断努力和拼搏。小唐在繁忙的工作之余，却疏忽了对家人的关爱，甚至是在妻子怀孕、母亲病重、好友结婚的时候也未能守候在旁。矛盾像一座火山在小唐和他的妻子之间无预兆的爆发，同时引起母亲心脏病突发住院……在面对着生活与工作压力和各种困惑与纠葛，小唐在对家庭的内疚与自责的感情漩涡中激烈的挣扎、彷徨……最终，他选择了为情感银行付出努力――回家，同时抛出的情感银行、情感帐户也被强烈关注和热议。

㈣ 谁能给我圣诞节搞笑英语剧本。要20分钟左右英文版、大概10个人、跪求啊

人物: Narrator: It’s Christmas time. B is rehearsing Christmas songs in the yard for his School Chorus.
A---在睡觉, B---在窗外唱歌.他含芦后来引来众人.
场景: A在屋里.(摆核老档张桌子,和椅子,趴在桌子上睡)
B: (clear his throat, starts singing) I wish you Merry Christmas , I wish you Merry Christmas, I wish you Merry Christmas and a happy New Year. I wish…

A: (wakes up) what is that noise? (Pretends to open the window)
B: What did you say? I can not hear you and sing at the same time?
A: I want to sleep. I don’t want any singing.
B: What did you say? You want more singing? I will find a friend.
Narrator: B calls a friend C to join him.
B and C:
Jingle bells
jingle bells
jingle all the way!
O what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh……改乱
A: (shouts) I want you to stop singing! You are giving more!(go back to sleep)
B: What did you say? You want more singing? We will find another friend.
Narrator: So B and C call for another friend D.
B and C and D: Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
Had a very shiny nose
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeer
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Rudolph
Play in any reindeer games…..
A: (shouts and shakes one hand) you must stop singing. I am tired. I can not take much more. (Sleeps)
B: What did you say? You want much more singing? We will find many friends.
Narrator: So B and C and D found more friends to join them.
B and C and D and a group of friends: Here comes Santa Claus, here comes Santa Claus,
Right down Santa Claus lane
Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer
Pullin' on the reins
Bells are ringin', children singin'
All is merry and bright….
A: (shouts and shakes two hands) Stop! Your singing is too loud!
B: loud? Yes, We can sing loud.
Narrator: So they sing very loud.
All the children: O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree!
How are thy leaves so verdant!
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy leaves so verdant!

Not only in the summertime,
But even in winter is thy prime.
O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree,
How are thy leaves so verdant!
A: (shouts) Please! I want to sleep! I wish that you would all go away!
B: Go away? Why didn’t you say so in the first place?
Narrator: so the children go away and they will sing in another place.
All the children bow to the audience and leave the stage.
A: (goes back to sleep)
The end

㈤ 英语幽默短剧剧本 带翻译

旁白(Aside )/介绍（Introction）： Long ago there was a crazy country, in this crazy country there were some crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by crazy ways. 在很久很久以前，有个疯狂的国度住着一群疯狂的人，用疯狂的方式给人们讲述着疯狂的故事。o(∩_∩)o...哈哈Mr Jingke was the most famous swordsman and was sent to kill king of Qing, “Yingzheng”. But finally he failed. Do you want to know what happened at that time? Okay, next show will tell you the truth. 闻名遐迩的刀客，荆轲先生，被委以刺杀秦始皇嬴政的任务。但最终还是失败鸟。你想知道当时的情形如何吗？好，下面的我们将给你呈现当时真实的一幕。Action I 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：Mirror, mirror, tell me, who is the most pretty man in the world? (画外音：It’s you, Prince Dan! 太子丹高兴状) Thank u mirror! （面对观众） I’m Prince Dan, the magic mirror said I am the most attractive man in the world. But Ying Zheng is a jealous guy, I feel he will kill me if mirror told him the truth. I am so scared. So what can I do? (向幕里大叫) Where is my minister? 太子丹（上，掏出镜子梳头，做自恋状）：魔镜魔镜告诉我，天下男人谁最美？ (画外音：是你是你太子丹 太子丹高兴状) 非常感谢，我的魔镜 （面对观众） 我是太子丹，魔镜告诉我说我是天下最美的男人 但是嬴政老小子嫉妒于我，倘若给他从魔镜那儿得知了真相，必要追杀于我 。太可怕了，我该咋办啦？ (向幕里大叫) 我的小弟们呢，哪儿去了？ 阿三(毕恭毕敬) : Honey, I am coming 亲耐滴老大，我来也。太子丹：I’ve told you again and again that you should call me “my most beautiful、graceful 、handsome、charming、cute、smart and dearest Prince Dan”!我怎么告诉你的，以后见到我要喊“我最最漂亮，潇洒，帅气，和蔼，可爱，机灵和尊敬的太子丹殿下”，你又忘了！阿三：Sure, honey! I have a good idea. We can find a hero to kill YingZheng~~~（作杀状）了解，亲耐滴！我有个好主意。我们找个大英雄去刺杀嬴政。太子：Oh yeah~~~. What is the most expensive commodity in this century? Talent!（二十一世纪最需要的是什么，人才！这句话要跟观众交流，最好由观众来回答，然后拍阿三肩膀，做赞许状） Good idea! But who is the right candidate?妙计！那么谁是最佳人选捏？阿三：After screening I have two promising persons on hand. One is Miss LiMoChou, the other is Mr JinKe. Tomorrow they will PK for the NO1 killer of the world.眼下我有俩在册人手，一个名曰李莫愁，另一个便是荆轲。明天他们讲通过PK来角逐最佳杀手称号！太子：Well, show me the winner as soon as possible, OK?那行，动作要快，ok？阿三：Yes.着！

㈥ 求助英语小品，五个人演的，要幽默点，谢谢！！

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

作者：佚名 文章来源：本站原创 点击数：7713 更新时间：2005-11-27

Wanderseveryfivemiles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小声)whilemy
wifeisWuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’mnotafraidofyou!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’mafraidofwhom?
-hood.Sheisbraverthanme,
.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender
thanme.Butsheisnot!!
(内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):Ican!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’mhere!What’supmum?
JM:I’“mymostbeautifulgracefuland
dearestmother-in-law”.
L:OK.-in-law,what’sup?
JM:.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall
daylong,cookingandwashing.
and……
JM:!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Goandaskyour
son.I’mleaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’mback!
LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened?
L:–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon
marryingthatterribleJohnny,,butyoudidnotlisten
tome.Lookatyourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Neverinterruptme!
L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.?And
I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto.
LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter
Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo
andtellhim.(下)
L(惊愕):What?Themayor’sson?-hood?(手中的锅
铲掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下)

Act3本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks?
(走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Heretheyare!(闻一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty!
(突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself.
(他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(捡起地上的围
裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now
shehasgone..
JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet?
J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone!
JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice
girl,goandtakeherback!
J(立正敬礼):Yesmadam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is1maoenough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken!
B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight!
C:Iheardthatthemayor’.WEcangoand
robthewedding!
A&B:Goodidea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible!
AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple!
J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet!
(突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo
withyou..
B:Haveyougotanyexperience?
J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous!
A:Theroadisbuiltbyme!
B:AndIplantedonetree.
C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---
J:Giveusallyourmoney!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,howareyou?
L(哭状):Ihurtalot!
J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下)
(音乐起 CanYouCelebrate)

㈦ 适合初中二年级演的搞笑英语剧本

搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
搞笑5人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：
西门吹雪
叶孤城
花满楼
king
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .

Bird sare dancing in the cold .
Aman is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:Haha, Never mind bay bay.
X:Excuseme， who are you on earth? could you tell me your name?
Y:ha ha ,I won’t change my name no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:I am xi men chui xue.
Y惊讶:Ar, xi men chui xue?
X:Yes,what is wrong?
Y:I heard that you are the besting Martial Arts?
X:Great, you know me !
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don't want to be killed.There are eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to belooked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now!you know?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don't force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good! I like drinking it. how do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Do you still want to kill me?
X:Sure, must! milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good! very good! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson! If I don't beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly! 3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可怜状: help! help! Where is the washroom?
Y:What ?
X:Toliet?
Y:What ?
X:The “WC”?
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street andturn right when you see acorssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出纸屑吹:This is genuirne snow!
H:Stop!Protecting the environment is abasicobligation!
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen xi men chui xue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in“WC” now,ha……
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world!
Y:You are right!
H:Teriffic! yo uare the one my king looking for! do you want join in us?
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：无间道
H:My honest ! let me introce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold,headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Hua man lou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:Only you……(看到戒子) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! dear king!I must go now,my brother is looking for me!huoxi(维语再见)
K:huoxi? What does that mean? It is not English, isn’t it ?
Y:How clever……
X冷酷:yegucheng! come here!I want to tell you some thing!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive me? Why?
Y: Once there was a change before me,I lost it. Ifthe god give me a chance, I’ll tell you“I love you”,If there must be a limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s“WC”!
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC .I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!(我爱你的意思)
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans“I love you”.
K:Don’t saythat“you love me”. I’!
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’

haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ?IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:ofcouse.! Hahaha……
Y:Hahaha—–
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s“WC”?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H顶着摇头：X,no, no， youcan’tgotoLady’s “WC”. ! becauseyouareX ! youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? !whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ? whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ? !
K: youareright. . Inthatcase ,whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way !gointo theLady’s WC , thendie , comfortablly ! goahead !
H: you , stupid , bad behavior ! goaway !
K; why ? whydoyouhelphim ! whoacturallyareyou ?
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng——the wifeofX .I’maspy.
K惊讶: !you—you—YouareLuXiaofeng ? X’wife ?
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou . atricker ! doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ! because of you ,Ideeide never believe anyone else ,including myself .you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ,just for today ! (轻声说)Xwilldie ,goandseehim ,please .
H扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning !
K:what amoving story !I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
H: life isa progress ,and it is delight that itneedn’t resume !
(H忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:don’tleave me here , you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ,please notabandon me !realizethat I’m wrong .help me,I intend to be back ,helpme ,I keyyou ,beg you——help me . I’ll never dothat again !(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
H: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:gohome ! ?
H:Tomorrow is another day !evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ,not only for me , but for ourlove !
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ? ok , ok , Ipromise I willbealive for you .but !youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ,but you have ,promisethatyou will be happy everyday !Youmustdome this honor… promise meyou will survive… that youwillnevergiveup… nomatter what happens… no matter howhopeless… promise me now ,andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise .
X:Never let go .
H:Ipromise . Iwill never let go ,
X.I””””ll never letgo.(X死)
H:be alive !yeah , bealive ! bealivewithout ahendance ! . thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping , solifecancomefromthebeginning ! （H自刎，艰难的爬到X身边死.音乐停。）

㈧ 搞笑英语话剧剧本

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》
演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿
旁白
道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。
第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠
旁白：A quiet village is covered with white snow .
Birds are dancing in the cold .
A man is walking along the street ,step by step .
Wind is coming in silence.
Another mysterious man approaches .
Y与X相遇．
X：oH ,I am sorry to knock you !
Y:, Never mind baby.
X:Excuse me， who are you on earth? Could you tell me your name?
Y:,I won’t change my name! no matter what happens. I’m the most famous——-YeGucheng. Who are you?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y惊讶:Ar, ximenchui xue?the best MartialArts?
X:Great, you know me !Today is your dead date!
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’t kill me! Let me go!
X:No, I must kill you !
Y:I don’t want to be killed. There are a eighty-year-old mother and a three-year old son to be looked after by me!
X:No way! Because we are fighting now ! you know ?
Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’t force me!
X:Pardon!
(Y拿出一袋牛奶)
X抢过牛奶:milk, very good ! I like drinking it. How do you know that?
Y:please drink it!
X喝完牛奶:Thanks,
Y:Do you still want to kill me ?
X:Sure, must! Milk is milk.
Y(恼怒+冷酷):Very good ! very good ! I hope you will not forget what you said!?
X:I’m sure I won’t!
Y:I must give you a lesson ! If I don’t beat you this time, you’ll never behave properly ! 3-2-1!
X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach !
Y大笑：HaHa……the milk is exceed the time limit
（一人路过，x起身跑过去）
X可怜状: excuse me! Help , help , Where is the washroom?please ,tell me .
Y:Oh,I see ,go along this street and turn right when you see a corssing road!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y:byebye (以胜利者的语气，转头,看见 花满楼)
Y:Who are you?
H:Hua—man—-lou! Have you seen ximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, he was beaten by me and is in “WC” .
H惊讶:Now you are the best in the world !
Y:You are right !
H:Teriffic ! you are the one my king looking for ! do you want join in us? If you follow my king,he will give what you want.
Y:Yes,It’s very good.
H:Ok, follow me, Let’s go to see my king!
第二幕：无间道
H:My dearest ! let me introce yegucheng to you! （指Y） this is yegucheng.
K:sit down plese, yegucheng.
Y:excuse me,I have a question.will you give me what I want just if I follow you?
King:yes,I will.
Y:That’s good. Can you give me a MM ?
K:of couse.You are the one who has the similar taste with me! Hahaha……
Y:of course.
美女出场
M:hello，帅锅..
K: this is shangguanxueer.ok,now let’s have a ritual.
H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng! Do you want to follow my king no matter what happens such as cold headache , poor ,rich?
Y: Yes,I do.
K: Huamanlou, come . put the ring on his finger!（音乐停）
X唱着上:(看到戒指) this ring should be mine!
K:But who are you ? why should it belong to you?
Y急切: king! Dear king ! I must go now , my brother is looking for me.
X冷酷:yegucheng! Come here ! I want to tell you something!
Y抱X的腿:old brother ! Forgive me!
X:Forgive you? Why ?
Y: Once there was a chance before me , I lost it . If the god give me another chance, I’ll tell you “ I love you ” , If the remustbea limited period,I hope it is thousand year!
X:You shall cheat me ! all you did are wrong ! how can you tell me the lady’s “WC”!
Y:I like going lady’s WC .I……I……I think that you like what I like.(Y又拿出一袋牛奶)
X:milk?I love you.
K:Don’t say that “you love me”. I’ll kill you for you saying dirty word to me !
X:What? (侧耳装着听不到) You—kill—-me?come, come…(X上去抓住K)
K:Fuck you. I must kill you!
X:How can you kill me? haha……
Y:Let me have a try! 3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)
M: oh,what happened?（看着X，做惊吓状）are you ok?（跑到西门吹雪身边）
Y :do you want to go to wc?
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
Y:haha, the milk was added 三聚氰胺 beyond standards.
M: you , stupid , bad behavior ! go away !
K; why ? why do you help him ! who actually are you ?
M: actually,I’m a spy sended by LuXiaofeng,and I fell in love with ximenchuixue.
K惊讶: !you—you—You are X’lover?
Y: do you know, you are the first person who cheated me ! I hate you .(轻声说)let me tell you,Xwill die.
M扑倒在X的身边：X,do’t die ,you should be alive ,there are much hope in the future and tomorrow is a good beginning !
K:what a moving story ! I was impressed !
Y:life is a progress ,but it is depressed that it can not resume !
M: life is a progress ,and it is delight that it needn’t resume !
(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，K吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)
Y痛苦状:I never anticipate you treat me by this ,why?tell me why?(Y死，音乐停)
（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）
M: X , oh , no ,you can’t die ,we will go home together .
X:go home ! ?
M:Tomorrow is another day ! even you have the last second to live ,you should be alive ,not only for me , but for our love.
X: promise me,you’ll get on well,and you’ll never let go.
M I promise . I will never let go（X死） ,
M: be alive !yeah , be alive ! be alive without ahendance !
—来自于网络

㈨ 搞笑的英语短剧

送个两个 ，你自己选一个，第一个比较搞笑 ，第二个比较简单 你自己看着办 ，但愿有你喜欢的 ！

英语搞笑话剧《孔雀东南飞》

Wander severy five miles
焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)刘兰芝Lunch(Lforshort)
焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)刘母Lunch’smother(LMforshort)
太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)强盗Burglars(ABandC)

Prologue本文转自：www.coffbar.com小品剧本，简历封面，免费电影

(J作被打状跑上台,内砸出一卷纸筒,J被打中,狼狈不堪)
J:Everybody says that I'm henpecked,but in fact,I’m as strong as a tiger,(小声)while my wife is WuSong.
(指着上台处的门大声道)I’m not afraid of you!
(内砸出一脸盆,J接住当成盾牌护着头)Then,I’m afraid of whom?
My wife Lunch is the most famous woman in the neighbor-hood.She is braver than me,
smarter than me and stronger than me.All this I do not care.I only want her to be tender than me.But she is not!Having a wife like this is just like living in the hell(地狱)! (内又砸出一卷纸筒,击中J)
MyGod!Who can help me?(下)

Act1
(序幕结束时,JM作窃听状)
JM(拄拐棍上):I can!
(对门内)Lunch!Lunch!Where are you?
L(扎着围裙,拿着锅铲,从门内跳出来):I’m here!What’s up mum?
JM:I‘ve told you again and again that you should call me“my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law”.
L:OK.My most beautiful graceful and dearest mother-in-law,what’s up?
JM:Since you married my son you have behaved so badly.You have been so rude,so brusque,so
lazy……
L:But……
JM:Never interrupt me!
L:Never interrupt me!Since I married your son,that terrible Johnny,I have been working hard all day long,cooking and washing.I have raised tens of thousands of pigs and cks and chicken and……
JM:But all those you have done are not as valuable as a grandson!
L(生气地挥动着锅铲):Oh,you want a grandson,don’tyou?(开始解围裙)Go and ask your son.I’m leaving!(扯下围裙,扔在JM的脸上,下)

Act2
(LM坐在台上打毛线,L拿着锅铲上)
L:Mum,I’m back!
LM:You are back?Why?What happened?
L:I was kicked out by my most beautiful graceful and dearest mother–in-law.
LM(惊讶,但随即露出幸灾乐祸的神情):See!I have already told you!When you insisted on
marrying that terrible Johnny,I told you that he is ugly stupid and poor,but you did not listen to me.Look at yourself……
L:But,mum……
LM:Never interrupt me!
L:Mum,I’m not interrupting you.I just want to tell you that you are always right OK? And
I’ll marry whom ever you want me to.
LM(大喜):Nice girl!Just now,I met the mayor’s son in the market.He said:“If your daughter Haven‘t been married,I really really want to marry her!”Now you are free again,I’ll go and tell him.(下)
L(惊愕):What?The mayor’s son?The most famous playboy in the neighbor-hood?(手中的锅铲掉在地上)What a silly thing I have done (下)

Act3本文转自：

(J睡眼惺忪上)
J(边走边道):Lunch! Lunch !Where are my socks? (走了几步,在地上捡起袜子)Here they are!(闻一下) Er!How smelly!They are still
dirty! (突然想起)Lunch has gone!I have to wash them myself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起来)Oh,I’m so hungry!But there’s no breakfast!(捡起地上的围 裙)This is what Lunch always wears!I miss her so much,and her excellent cooking skill!Now
she has gone.I have to cook for my mother and myself.
JM(上):Where’s my breakfast?Where’s Lunch?Hasn’t she got up yet?
J:Mum,can’t you remember?Lunch has gone!
JM(沉吟刻):Well,to tell you the truth Johnny,a son without a wife is useless.Lunch is a nice
girl,go and take her back!
J(立正敬礼):Yes madam!

Act4
(J开心地走着，忽然跳出来三个强盗)
A:Hey you!Stop and Listen to us!
The road is built by me!(抬脚重重地踩在一块大石头上)
B:And I planted one tree!(亦抬脚踩在同一块石头上)
C:If you want to go by this street---(欲踩石头，但踩到了A的脚)
AB&C:Give us all your money!
J(搜遍了每一个口袋，掏出1角硬币):Is 1mao enough?
(三强盗晕倒状，接着三人聚在一边商量)
A:What bad luck!This guy is broken!
B:If we can not rob any money today,we will have nothing to eat tonight!
C:I heard that the mayor’s son is going to marry Miss Liu Lan next month.WE can go and rob the wedding!
A&B:Good idea!
J(惊讶):What?What?Lunch is going to get married?It’s impossible!
AB&C:Why?A pretty girl and a rich man,what a good couple!
J:But Lunch is my wife!We haven’t got divorced yet!
(突然有了主意)I’ve got an idea!You are going to rob the wedding,don’t you?I’ll go
with you.You take the money and I take the bride.
B:Have you got any experience?
J:No.But I’ve got this!(J脱下鞋子从里面摸出一张支票，上书＄1，000，000)

Act5

(转眼已到了婚礼之期．MS意气风发用红绸牵着新娘上，J盖着红盖头极不情愿地被拉上台)
(J和三强盗跃至台中)
ABC&J:Hey you!Stop and listen to us!
A:The road is built by me!
B:And I planted one tree.
C:If you want to go by this street---
J:Give us all your money!
(L听到J的声音，掀起了盖头)
L(惊喜万分):Johnny!(不顾一切地飞奔到J的身边并躲到了的身后)
(MS大怒，挥拳向J打来．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L晕倒)
J(火冒三丈):How dare you beat my wife!（挥拳向MS冲去）
(J与MS混战，JM上，以拐杖击晕MS)
(J将MS胸前的新郎标志扯下戴在自己胸前)
J(扶起L，关切地问):Honey,how are you?
L(哭状):I hurt a lot!
J:Don’t cry baby.I’ll go and fetch the medicine. (下)
L(起身去追):Wait for me! (跑下)
(音乐起 Can You Celebrate)

2、英语短剧：小兔子乖乖
时间：阳光明媚的星期天早晨

地点：鸟语花香的动物王国

人物：Little Duck，Miss Cat， Miss Rabbit，Mr Dog

旁白：Little Duck要去看望外婆。一路上他又唱又跳，高兴极了。在小河边，他碰到了Miss Cat。

Duck：（很好奇）Hello，Miss Cat．Whatre you doing？

Cat：（急得抓耳挠腮）Hello，Little Duck．Theres a big fish in the river．Im hungry，but I cant get it．

Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．

（Little Duck跳进水里，一会儿就帮Miss Cat抓到了鱼。）

Duck：Here is the fish for you，Miss Cat．Have a good meal．

Cat：Thank you，Little Duck．You are so kind．

Duck：Thats all right，Miss Cat．I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Bye-bye！

Cat：Bye-bye！

（Little Duck继续赶路。忽然他看到Miss Rabbit躺在草地上，连忙跑过去。）

Rabbit：（躺在草地上）Oh，Little Duck．I run too fast and my leg is broken．I cant stand up and I cant walk．

Duck：Dont worry．Let me help you．

（Little Duck拿出一条手帕帮Miss Rabbit包扎好伤口，然后扶着她回家。）

Duck：Dontworry，Miss Rabbit．Youll getwellsoon．

Rabbit：Yes，I will．Thank you，Little Duck．Its so kind of you．

Duck：Not at all，Miss Rabbit．But I must go now．Im going to my grandmothers home．Good-bye！

Rabbit：Good-bye！

（Little Duck唱着歌又开始上路了，走着走着，他看到Mr Dog坐在家门口，看上去非常着急。）

Duck：Good morning，Mr Dog．You look worried．What can I do for you？

Dog：Oh，good morning，Little Duck．I got a letter from my friend，Mr Cock．ButIcantread and Idontknow what he wants me to do．

Duck：Dont worry，Mr Dog．Let me help you．

（Mr Dog笑呵呵地把信递给Little Duck，Little Duck很仔细地将信的内容读给Mr Dog听。）

Dog：（满意地笑）Thank you，Little Duck．Its really very kind of you．

Duck：Youre welcome，Mr Dog．（抬头看看挂在半空中的太阳）But I must go now．Im going to see my grandmother．

Dog：（摸摸Little Duck的头）Dont worry，Little Duck．Let me send you to your grandmothers home．

Duck：Thank you，Mr Dog．

（Mr Dog驮着Little Duck一路欢歌笑语向外婆家跑去……）

㈩ 英语微电影剧本

我觉得可以找《威尼斯商人》的某些经典桥段，简单，朗朗上口，适合你们的人数组成。而且你只需稍作修改，并不需要浪费很多时间去写剧本。这是中英字幕的视频网址http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/CC6UnTNwEck/
附上剧本：
The Merchant of Venice (II)

原文：

The Merchant of Venice（II）
PART 1
D: Have mercy on Antonio, Shylock. Do not be so bitter.
S: I've promised to take my pound of flesh. If you do not let me have it, that will be a sign of weakness and no one will trust your laws any more. The greatness of Venice will soon be lost. Antonio is my enemy, and I hate him.
B: Do all men kill the things they do not love?

译文：

第一部分
公爵：宽恕安东尼奥吧，夏洛克，别这样怀恨在心。
夏洛克：我说过一定要拿走我应得的那一磅肉。要是您不准许我得到它，那将是一种软弱的表现，人们将不再信你们的法律了。威尼斯不久就会丧失它的伟大。安东尼奥是我的敌人，我恨他。
巴萨尼奥：难道所有的人都要铲除他们所不爱的东西吗？

A: It is useless trying to argue with Shylock. Don't wait any longer. Pass judgement on me and give Shylock what he wants.
B: I'll pay you six thousand cats for the three thousand cats that Antonio borrowed.
S: If you offered me six times what you have just offered, I would still take my pound of flesh. Give me my pound of flesh!
D: Let us be calm, gentlemen. Shylock, how can you hope for mercy yourself when you show none?
S: I have done nothing wrong and I fear no judgement. I desire my pound of flesh.
As the Duke is wondering what to do, Nerissa, dressed like a lawyer's clerk, arrives with a letter from the famous lawyer whom Portia has visited. While the Duke is talking to Nerissa, Shylock gets ready to cut his pound of flesh from Antonio.
Then the letter is read out for all in the court to hear. "I am very ill. When your letter reached me, I had with me a .learned young doctor from Rome. I told him about the quarrel between Shylock and Antonio. We studied many lawbooks and he knows what I would say. I ask you to let him stand in my place and give judgement. He is young, but I never knew so young a body with so wise a head."
After the letter has been read out to the court, Portia, in lawyer's clothes, enters the room and takes her seat as judge.

安东尼奥：跟夏洛克讲理是没有用的。别再等待了。对我宣判吧，把夏洛克想要得到的东西给他。
巴萨尼奥：我将付给你六千块钱，用来归还安东尼奥借的那三千块钱。
夏洛克：即使你愿意我六倍于你刚才提出的钱数，我仍然要拿我应得的那一磅肉。把那一磅肉判给我！
公爵：先生们，请安静。夏洛克，如果你不宽恕别人，你自己怎能希望得到别人的宽恕呢？
夏洛克：我并没有做错事，我不怕审判。我要求给我应得的那一磅肉。
正当公爵不知道应该怎么办的时候，尼莉莎打扮成一个律师的书记员，带着鲍西娅刚拜访过的那位着名的律师的一封信，来到法庭。当公爵与尼莉莎谈话时，夏洛克准备好要从安东尼奥身上割下他应得的一磅肉。
这时，当庭宣读了律师的信。"我重病缠身。收到你的信时，我正同一位从罗马来的很有学问的年轻博士在一起。我把夏洛克与安东尼奥之间的争执对他讲了。我们研究了很多法典，因此他知道我想要说的话。我请您让他替我作出判决。他很年轻，但是，我还从来不知道有这么年轻又这么聪明的人。"
这封信当庭宣读之后，鲍西娅穿着律师的衣服进屋来了。她作为法官就座了。

PART 2
D: Greetings, learned judge! I do not envy you your job. This is a most troublesome case.
P: Greetings! Please be seated. Are you Antonio, and is this your agreement with Shylock?
A: It is.
P: Then Shylock must be merciful. He must have mercy on Antonio.
S: Why must I have mercy on him? Tell me that!
P: Mercy brings good. Mercy falls like the gentle rain from the sky upon the earth. It blesses those who give it, and those who receive it. We should learn to show mercy to others. Do you still ask for this pound of flesh? S: I ask for what is mine by law!
B: I offer ten times the money that Antonio has borrowed. Please change the law a little so that we may save Antonio.
P: Use your head a little, sir! We cannot change a law. If one law is changed, then people will later want to change other laws.
S: Oh, wise young judge!
P: Let me see this agreement, this promise of Antonio to you.
S: Here it is.
P: I see. According to the law, Shylock may have a pound of flesh to be cut off by him nearest to Antonio's heart. Be merciful! Let me destroy this paper.--No? Then, Antonio, be ready. And Shylock, take your knife and prepare to do the deed.

公爵；您好，博学的法官！我并不羡慕您的职业。这是一个最麻烦的案子。
鲍西娅：您好！请坐下。你叫安东尼奥吗？这是你与夏洛克签订的借约吗？
安东尼奥；是的。
鲍西娅：那么，夏洛克可得大发慈悲才是。他可得宽恕安东尼奥啊。
夏洛克：为什么我必得宽恕他呢？请告诉我这一点！
鲍西娅：慈悲带来益处。慈悲像甘露从天空中降到地面上，它不但赐福施予的人，而且赐福于受施的人。我们应该学会宽恕他人。你还要求得到这一磅肉吗？
夏洛克：我要求得到根据法律属于我的东西。
巴萨尼奥：我愿出十倍于安东尼奥的借款，请您把法律稍为变更一下，使我们能够救出安东尼奥的生命。
鲍西娅：请用你的脑袋想一想，先生。我们不能变更法律，要是变更了一条法律，那么人们还会要变更别的法律的。
夏洛克：噢，聪明年轻的法官啊！
鲍西娅；让我看一看借约，就是安东尼奥向你许下的诺言。
夏活克：给您。
鲍西娅：我明白了。根据法律，夏洛克可以得到一磅肉，由他从最靠近安东尼奥心脏的部位割下来。慈悲一点吧！让我撕毁这张借约吧。不能撕？那么，安东尼奥，你做好准备；夏洛克，拿起你的刀子准备割肉吧。

S: Oh, learned judge! Oh, wise young man!
P: Have you brought anything to weigh the flesh?
S: Yes. I have everything ready here.
P: Do you have a doctor, Shylock, to stop Antonio's blood?
B: That fox!
P: Do you wish to say anything, Antonio?
A: Only a little. Goodbye Bassanio. Don't be sad for me. Tell your wife about me and how much I loved you. If Shylock cuts deep enough, I'll pay him back with all my heart.
B: Let me take you in my arms and say goodbye. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, and more than all the world. (He cries.)
P: Your wife would not be pleased to hear you say that.
S: We are wasting time.
P: Take your pound of flesh! I declare the court allows it and the law gives it to you.

Shylock advances towards Antonio and prepares to use his knife.
P: Wait! There is something else. Antonio has promised to give you a pound of his flesh. But he has not promised to give you any of his blood. If you let one drop of his blood fall, you will lose all your land and all your money.
S: Is that the law?
P: That is the law. You wanted justice, so you shall get justice, more than you wanted. : I will take the money. Give me three more than Antonio borrowed from me.

夏洛克；噢，博学的法官！噢，聪明的年轻人！
鲍西娅：你带来了称肉的器具吗？
夏洛克：是的。我把一切都准备好了。 鲍西娅：夏洛克，你是否请了医生来给安东尼奥止血呢？
夏洛克：借约上可没有这一条。
巴萨尼奥：你这只狐狸！
鲍西娅：安东尼奥，你还想说什么吗？
安东尼奥：我只想说一点。巴萨尼奥，永别了。不要为我悲伤。把我的情况告诉你的妻子，对她说我多么爱你。要是夏洛克割得够深的话，我就要以整个心偿还他的债了。
巴萨尼奥：让我拥抱你一下，说声再见吧。我爱你胜过爱我自己的生命、自己的妻子和整个世界。（他哭了。）
鲍西娅：你的妻子听到你那么说是会不高兴的。
夏洛克：我们是在浪费时间。
鲍西娅：割走你要的那一磅肉吗！我宣布法庭许可你（这样做），法律（把它）判给你。

（夏洛克走向安东尼奥，准备动他的刀子。）
鲍西娅：且慢！事情还没完。安东尼奥许诺给你他身上的一磅肉。但是他并没有答应给你他身上的任何一滴血。要是你让他身上的血流下一滴，你将失去你所有的土地和财产。
夏洛克：法律上是这样说的吗？
鲍西娅：这就是法律。你要求公正，那么就让你得到公正吗，比你要求的还要多。
夏洛克：我愿意要钱。请给我加三倍还给我安东尼奥向我借的钱。

B: Here it is. (He cries out, full of joy.)
P: Wait! Shylock would not take the money earlier. All he wanted was right to be done. That is all he can have now. you must cut off one pound of flesh, no more, no less. And not one drop of blood must fall.
Shylock turns and starts to leave the court.
P: Wait, Shylock. The law of Venice says that if anyone tries to kill or murder any citizen of Venice, everything that he owns shall be taken away from him. One half of his money and his goods shall be given to the city of Venice and the other half shall be given to the person he has tried to kill. His life shall be at the mercy of the Duke. therefore, go down on your knees and beg the Duke for mercy.
S: Good sir. I beg for mercy and beg your pardon..
D: I shall not have you killed. But as your punishment, half of your money is now Antonio's. You must give the other half to the city of Venice.
S: Take my life too! My money and goods are as dear to me as life itself. They are my only comfort. When you take those away from me, you also take my life.
A: I shall be happy to give up my part of Shylock's money. Shylock must promise to leave the money upon his death to his daughter and her husband.
S: I promise. Let me go home now. I am not well.

相关链接： The Merchant of Venice(I)

巴萨尼奥：钱在这儿。（他满怀喜悦地喊了出来。）
鲍西娅：别忙！夏洛克先前已经拒绝要钱了。他所要求的只是公正。这是他现在所能得到的一切。你必须割下整一磅肉，不准多也不准少。而且不准流一滴血。
（夏洛克转过身，要离开法庭。）
鲍西娅：等一等，夏洛克。威尼斯的法律规定任何企图杀害或谋害任何威尼斯公民的人，他所有的一切必须被没收。他的钱和财产的一半必须给威尼斯城，另一半必须给他企图杀害的人。他的生命全凭公爵处置。因此你快快跪下请求公爵开恩吧。
夏洛克：仁慈的先生，我乞求你的饶恕和原谅。
公爵：我将不处死你，但是作为对你的惩罚，你的财产的一半现在是安东尼奥的了。你必须把另一半交给威尼斯城。
夏洛克：把我的命也拿走吧！我的钱财对我就像生命一样宝贵。它们是我唯一的安慰。你们没收了我的财物，也就是要了我的命。
安东尼奥：我将高兴地放弃我应得的夏洛克财产的那一半。夏洛克必须答应在他死后把这笔财产留给他的女儿和女婿。
夏洛克：我答应。现在让我回家吧。我不舒服。